i love rambling

Back in West Virginia, when I was an even funnier-looking 7 year-old kid with nerdy glasses and frizzier hair, my mom decided it would be a good idea to put me in cheerleading. It wasn't. The first year of cheerleading wasn't too bad because I had friends on the team and I was excited for something new - something other than the usual routine of ballet and school (both which I loved). Unfortunately, as time went on, I grew to hate cheerleading - the fake ponytails, the fake smiles, the fake people, and the mean fake-tanned moms.

Needless to say, I was the least popular on the team: I was the tallest, thinnest, and dorkiest for sure which always got me the best kind of attention. Then, disaster struck. I got this weird skin disease which kind of looked like ringworm (but it wasn't): all the moms told their children to stay away from me and I suddenly was the blond personifcation of the plague. Awesome.

The next year I tried out for cheerleading and even though I was the only one in the group who could do a cartwheel or a split, I didn't make it. It was kind of a big deal. My best friend at the time (who had never done cheer in her life [and was rather morose to begin with]) made the team. We stayed friends for another six years after that.

I like that I can look back on this and laugh - especially at myself. The fact that even thought I despised cheerleading and all it stood for, I pouted when it was taken away (not for long, mind you, but I pouted). I'm pretty sure I still do this yet I can't think of a concrete example.

Oh, and the name of our team? The Ramblers.

Anyway, so I just read "Blue Like Jazz" by Donald Miller and can definitely say that this is one of the books that has changed my life. It's kind of strange that I say this so soon after finishing it, but I can say wholeheartedly that the message of this book will be a common theme in my life for time to come, and it has already radically changed how I deal with people and how I love them. I just want to put a few quotes up and kind of respond to them, or just have you ponder them, dear reader.

"Don't complain about the way that God answers your prayers."
Well, yeah. It seems like a lot of the time God gives us what we want and then we realize it's not really what we wanted in the first place.

"Christianity is so stupid to so much of our culture, and I absolutely hate bothering people about this stuff."
Yeap. About to go conquer this part of myself.

"Jesus said to feed the poor and to heal the sick. I have never done very much about that. Jesus said to love those who persecute me. I tend to lash out, especially if I feel threatened, you know, if my ego gets threatened. Jesus did not mix His spirituality with politics. I grew up doing that. It got in the way of the central message of Christ. I know that was wrong, and I know that a lot of people will not listen to the words of Christ because people like me, who know Him, carry our own agendas into the conversation rather than just relaying the message Christ wanted to get across. There's a lot more..."
Oooooh, ouch. Yeah, that and a myriad of other things that I've done. Claiming to be Christian yet putting political, ideological, familial agendas before Christ? Along with desires, thoughts, other people, goals, etc. Definitely working on that.

"I am not scared of you, my love, I am scared of me... I want to be known and loved anyway."
This would be me to a T, dear friend. I dearly seek love from other people and desperately need it, yet am always scared. Not scared to give love because it's not mine in the first place, so how can it be taken or abused? I'm scared to receive it.

"Other people keep our souls alive."
True that, brother.

"Our society puts too my pressure on romantic love and that's why so many romances fail. Romance can't possibly carry all that we want it to."
Society seems to think that the "ultimate" kind of love is romantic love, and that is just not true in the slightest. Because of this, we put so much emphasis on romantic love and all this importance and all of these expectations, and that's why romances fail. The love between brother and sisters in Christ, fed by the love of Christ, is where I want to be. I've felt more love from the Christian community of SB than I have from any other family or person I've ever been involved with. And that's the way it should be.

"I think it is interesting that God designed people to need other people."
Interesting? Yes. Sadistic? At times.

"If we are not willing to wake up in the morning and die to ourselves, perhaps we should ask ourselves whether or not we are really following Jesus."
While God has lovingly shown me that the world is not about me, sometimes I need gentle reminding, and sometimes I just need a good kick in the pants.

For Ian: "...It was just that there was something different about my hippie friends; something, I don't know, more real, more true."
It's cause we're better. :)

For Ian: "My Christian communities had always had little unwritten social ethics like don't cuss and don't support Democrats and don't ask tough questions about the Bible."
Don't worry, we love you anyways.

"The problem with Christian culture is that we think of love as a commodity. We use it like money."
Oh deeeeeeefinitely. I see it everyday. Most of us seem to only love when we get love in return, like it's some odd form of paperless currency. I feel like it's more like a body spray, if you will. Organic, slightly musty, and gives you a warm tingly feeling in the pit of your belly. (And it never seems to go away, like Axe [bleh]).

"Jesus didn't just love me out of principle; He didn't just love me because it was the right thing to do."
And thank God for that.

Well, there was more I was going to write about, but that's enough of a novel for now. Glad you made it to the end?

Until the world knows peace,
Affectionately,
Unconditionally,

Meredith