how do we decide what's ordinary and what's naught...

I feel like I see things that other people don't see - like the patterns and syllables that are worth seeing, repeating, and further illustrating. improv class gets me too much into my own head - the exercise where we have to see and that takes us to ideas of things that we don't see... that exercise messes with me. i danced my grandmother dying today. i danced my love for. i danced heartbreak AND i danced apathy. i danced what's deepest in my heart and I danced outside myself looking down. i danced satyagraha and i danced the death and tiredness of my soul. i dance whatever came out and i danced to force things back in. i danced to see and i danced just so i could close my eyes. i danced to remember and to forget. i dance to be present and i danced to just to get away.

i dance to express and create _ and to escape. i dance to breathe. i dance to retaliate. i dance my frustration and my passion. i dance. i don't know why - why dance? why me? why is dance the only thing that feels completely like i'm in my own skin - even when the steps aren't mine, or they're difficult, or impossible? why was i destined to dance and not economize or psychologize? i don't know why - no idea how my body does it: how it chooses what is a pattern, what is comfortable; how is discerns and deduces what is safe. how i have a dance that is innately Meredith - and no one else. how my body can think without my mind knowing.

how does my body thwart the thinking of my mind? why does my heart do the same? why do the forces in my life always reel against one another internally, yet work in perfect harmony externally?

I am so sneaky. my heart always tries to betray my mind - beating down the logic to fit its own terms. and my body rebels against itself with its aches and pains - but as soon as i can dance... it's on.