dreams of clovers
Do you ever get that very strange and indescribable feeling in you chest when something doesn't go according to your expectations? It's an odd and suspended kind of emptiness that almost feels kind of good, and then you realize that it is actually just Awful.
Then, after that feeling, do you ever have the thought of "did I just jinx what could have been?" I used to have this crazy idea as a kid that if I thought something was going to happen - of I predicted it - it wasn't going to happen and only things that I thought wouldn't happen or didn't see coming were actually the coming future events.
Pretty weird, I know.
Somehow this "jinx" mentality has transferred over to my adult life. I oddly think that the more I think and plan out something that I want to happen in the future - usually something I have little or no control over - the less likely it is to actually occur and the more I have to change my thinking and detach myself from the possible outcome. I think it may be related to some sort of defense mechanism for not letting myself feel that aforementioned Awful Feeling, but it's probably just another case of me forgetting to grow out of something.
All I know is that the feeling I have currently in the back of my throat is allergies from these dang cats or
So...what happens after "or"? I remember when I thought the same way. I thought, "Oh, this will happen, but then the opposite will most likely happen." I still imagine what if things go a different way, but at the same time, I imagine them to not go as I imagine.
ReplyDeleteI felt almost the opposite at a few points in my life.
ReplyDeletePoints where I have thought of something less than favorable and then thinking "oh man, I thought it and therefore it is possible."
and it always seems to happen.
*focuses on moral psychology class again*