never thought i'd end up here
I'm really glad that I serve a God who seems to like to surprise me. Especially with the way that he reveals things to me.
Today I was in Improvisation class with my teacher, who is a practicing Buddhist, and, as usual, we started off the class with a meditation. Meditation is extremely hard for me, as I usually am thinking about twelve things at once and it is difficult to focus on just my breathing or just counting, or just one scenario. Usually we start off meditation by taking sets of ten breaths, one count for every breath in and out and we are supposed to focus solely on that breathing.
1
breathe in and out
2
breathe in and out
3
breathe in and out
...
Sometimes I have to visualize the numbers, sometimes I have to try and visualize the air going in and out of my lungs - if I don't have anything to focus on, I find my mind wandering back to other thoughts, worries, fears, hopes, and prayers...
4
breathe in and out
5
breathe in and out
Today we had a guided meditation in which we were supposed to focus on something that we were working on, whether it be a dance step or a character trait that we wished to encompass or adopt. I started thinking about selflessness and how desirable it is to me, how valuable I find it. My teacher had us think about how to attain this skill or trait - and then posed the question, "How do you know you don't already have it?"
6
breathe in and out
7
breathe in and out
I have never felt God speak so clearly to me through a non-Christian before. Ever. I felt like she had personally asked me that question, led by the Spirit. I felt like she had just said, "Meredith, why is Christ not enough for you? Don't you know that you already have everything you could ever need? You don't have to wait to get to this place of perfection or attain anything new. You don't need to ask Him to make you into a better servant because as long as you seek Him daily, He's going to change your heart - and you probably won't even notice."
8
breathe in and out
He so often changes our hearts and transforms our minds without us even noticing. So often we look back to who we were a year ago, a month ago, or yesterday and ask ourselves, "how the heck did I get here?" That's God. God is why my life is crazy. God is why I have adventures til early morning hours on Halloween. God is why I am here, in my dark living room, listening to my extremely loud kitchen cloud and the odd gurgling of my sink, feeling my eyelids droop from lack of sleep, feet aching from skating back from campus, stomach rumbling from no dinner and too much candy. God is the ring on my finger, the verse written on my leg. God is my blisters from pointe shoes. God is my torn ligament in my knee. God is the dried sweat on my face from dancing. God is skateboard that's coming in the mail. God is the light coming from my neighbor's porch. God is the car that is speeding by.
9
breathe in and out
I am not a fan of coincidence. I do not believe in accidents. I do not believe in Fate. I believe in Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior. And scarily, awesomely, and most importantly thankfully, He is everywhere.
10
breathe in and out
I hope you know that I love you, dear reader. And I pray that someday, you will know how tall and wide and deep and long and vast the love of Christ is - for you. That He loves you when you don't love you, when you love you too much, and when you think that no one else does either.
Always,
Meredith
Today I was in Improvisation class with my teacher, who is a practicing Buddhist, and, as usual, we started off the class with a meditation. Meditation is extremely hard for me, as I usually am thinking about twelve things at once and it is difficult to focus on just my breathing or just counting, or just one scenario. Usually we start off meditation by taking sets of ten breaths, one count for every breath in and out and we are supposed to focus solely on that breathing.
1
breathe in and out
2
breathe in and out
3
breathe in and out
...
Sometimes I have to visualize the numbers, sometimes I have to try and visualize the air going in and out of my lungs - if I don't have anything to focus on, I find my mind wandering back to other thoughts, worries, fears, hopes, and prayers...
4
breathe in and out
5
breathe in and out
Today we had a guided meditation in which we were supposed to focus on something that we were working on, whether it be a dance step or a character trait that we wished to encompass or adopt. I started thinking about selflessness and how desirable it is to me, how valuable I find it. My teacher had us think about how to attain this skill or trait - and then posed the question, "How do you know you don't already have it?"
6
breathe in and out
7
breathe in and out
I have never felt God speak so clearly to me through a non-Christian before. Ever. I felt like she had personally asked me that question, led by the Spirit. I felt like she had just said, "Meredith, why is Christ not enough for you? Don't you know that you already have everything you could ever need? You don't have to wait to get to this place of perfection or attain anything new. You don't need to ask Him to make you into a better servant because as long as you seek Him daily, He's going to change your heart - and you probably won't even notice."
8
breathe in and out
He so often changes our hearts and transforms our minds without us even noticing. So often we look back to who we were a year ago, a month ago, or yesterday and ask ourselves, "how the heck did I get here?" That's God. God is why my life is crazy. God is why I have adventures til early morning hours on Halloween. God is why I am here, in my dark living room, listening to my extremely loud kitchen cloud and the odd gurgling of my sink, feeling my eyelids droop from lack of sleep, feet aching from skating back from campus, stomach rumbling from no dinner and too much candy. God is the ring on my finger, the verse written on my leg. God is my blisters from pointe shoes. God is my torn ligament in my knee. God is the dried sweat on my face from dancing. God is skateboard that's coming in the mail. God is the light coming from my neighbor's porch. God is the car that is speeding by.
9
breathe in and out
I am not a fan of coincidence. I do not believe in accidents. I do not believe in Fate. I believe in Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior. And scarily, awesomely, and most importantly thankfully, He is everywhere.
10
breathe in and out
I hope you know that I love you, dear reader. And I pray that someday, you will know how tall and wide and deep and long and vast the love of Christ is - for you. That He loves you when you don't love you, when you love you too much, and when you think that no one else does either.
Always,
Meredith
Your posts definitely seem to be a lot deeper than anything I could write about. Jesus definitely loves us. I need to remind myself that a lot.
ReplyDeleteIan Charbonnet likes this.
ReplyDeleteKenneth beat me by two minutes.
This is good. You are dear to His heart.
Peaceful. Thanks for sharing your heart. As one friend said today, your vision/dream stirs something in me. Keep me updated on your new posts. One day I hope I illustrate my thoughts as such in a blog or continue to make videos.
ReplyDeleteSincerely,
with the love of Christ - Ryan