dark nights of the soul
I feel like every night, when I am left alone to my own devices, I am able to sink into the depths of my doubt and fear. I know this is the enemy attacking me and attempting to draw me away from God. I have to identify it as such. I doubt EVERYTHING: my calling, my relationships, who I am. I don't think doubt is of God. I also feel myself becoming complacent once more with what I am have and who I am, losing sight of the glory that I feel God has revealed to me.
I need to stay solid, strong, and confident in the future that he has prepared for me. Not because of how seemingly happy that future is or the trappings that come from it but in actually, solidly having a relationship with God. THAT is where the glory lies.
Psalm 102: "A prayer of an afflicted person who has grown weak and pours out a lament before the Lord."
I just opened my Bible app to this as I sat down to write. The absolute grief I felt week one turned into week two's resolve. Will I let week three turn into fear and complacency simultaneously? No! I cannot and will not let it. I demand that the enemy be gone in Jesus' name. I will not get lured back into my previous temptations and I will not find my identity in anything or anyone other than Jesus. I will not let anything distract me. Help me, Father, to continue to dive deep into your love and experience your Spirit. Do not let me be carried away! Let me experience new depths of grace.
"My days are like the evening shadow."
I know God will not instantly take away my "thorn" but instead that it will be a constant process - and opportunity - for me to rely on him regardless of my sin. It is not me who will get through this but God who will carry me through. I have to remember that letting God work in my heart is still an active practice. It is through this weakness, through this thorn, that God will make his power perfect. I will be an example. I will rely on him. That is faith, that is grace, that is the dance we get to do with God.
Love,
Always,
Meredith
I need to stay solid, strong, and confident in the future that he has prepared for me. Not because of how seemingly happy that future is or the trappings that come from it but in actually, solidly having a relationship with God. THAT is where the glory lies.
Psalm 102: "A prayer of an afflicted person who has grown weak and pours out a lament before the Lord."
I just opened my Bible app to this as I sat down to write. The absolute grief I felt week one turned into week two's resolve. Will I let week three turn into fear and complacency simultaneously? No! I cannot and will not let it. I demand that the enemy be gone in Jesus' name. I will not get lured back into my previous temptations and I will not find my identity in anything or anyone other than Jesus. I will not let anything distract me. Help me, Father, to continue to dive deep into your love and experience your Spirit. Do not let me be carried away! Let me experience new depths of grace.
"My days are like the evening shadow."
I know God will not instantly take away my "thorn" but instead that it will be a constant process - and opportunity - for me to rely on him regardless of my sin. It is not me who will get through this but God who will carry me through. I have to remember that letting God work in my heart is still an active practice. It is through this weakness, through this thorn, that God will make his power perfect. I will be an example. I will rely on him. That is faith, that is grace, that is the dance we get to do with God.
Love,
Always,
Meredith
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