moving forward
Written 2014.
I keep finding myself focusing on moving forward. In every conversation, in everything I'm seeking out careerwise, and in emotional and spiritual ways I find myself pushing forward, making it seem like I'm foraying into adventures and growing more mature with all these new opportunities and such. I'm so excited about everything I have at my fingertips that I feel myself spreading out thinner and thinner. I feel myself growing and becoming more aware of how I'm feeling, what I say and do, and how much further I have to grow as a person.
It's... something.
I look back on the blog that I haven't posted on in more than two years, wearing an uncomfortable smile on my face, and I think back to all of the choices that I made in college. Looking back I can see the link from choice to choice that brought me through different interesting and often awkward circumstances to where and who I am today. There are plenty of pivotal conversations in cars, on top of buildings, in quiet dorm rooms, in tears, mid-shouting, in the foggy, dark streets of Isla Vista, in the wrong places, at the wrong times, and exactly where I needed to be in a given moment.
There are people who I love, people who I don't talk to anymore for one reason or another, and I'm starting to question it all.
I have a tendency to peace out of relationships once someone has hurt me. There are a lot of people in my life whose Facebook posts I pass over - whose names, when spoken, cause a slight pang in my heart - and so many things that come to mind that I wonder if I should have said or done.
So I'm cleaning house. I am going to try my best to mend things on my end (by the grace of God). I have done so many silly things in the past (and will definitely continue to do them... oh well)
I keep finding myself focusing on moving forward. In every conversation, in everything I'm seeking out careerwise, and in emotional and spiritual ways I find myself pushing forward, making it seem like I'm foraying into adventures and growing more mature with all these new opportunities and such. I'm so excited about everything I have at my fingertips that I feel myself spreading out thinner and thinner. I feel myself growing and becoming more aware of how I'm feeling, what I say and do, and how much further I have to grow as a person.
It's... something.
I look back on the blog that I haven't posted on in more than two years, wearing an uncomfortable smile on my face, and I think back to all of the choices that I made in college. Looking back I can see the link from choice to choice that brought me through different interesting and often awkward circumstances to where and who I am today. There are plenty of pivotal conversations in cars, on top of buildings, in quiet dorm rooms, in tears, mid-shouting, in the foggy, dark streets of Isla Vista, in the wrong places, at the wrong times, and exactly where I needed to be in a given moment.
There are people who I love, people who I don't talk to anymore for one reason or another, and I'm starting to question it all.
I have a tendency to peace out of relationships once someone has hurt me. There are a lot of people in my life whose Facebook posts I pass over - whose names, when spoken, cause a slight pang in my heart - and so many things that come to mind that I wonder if I should have said or done.
So I'm cleaning house. I am going to try my best to mend things on my end (by the grace of God). I have done so many silly things in the past (and will definitely continue to do them... oh well)
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