you are not your own
I don't think independence is a bad thing. Nor do I think ambition is a bad thing. But anything can become a bad thing if it is separate from God.
There were a lot of problems between us, ones that we've talked about and fixed now. There are still other questions that I have about what a future could look like, especially because we seem to be on such different paths. But those are not the important thing to me right now.
I realize now that I have greatly underestimated my enemy. I allowed pride and curiosity to deceive me into thinking the battle had already been won. In reality the war has been won but the daily battles are what can pull me closer or further away from God. To engage the enemy, I must humble myself in prayer, which I do not do as often as I should.
Without prayer, how can I faithfully hear God? With so much need everywhere, I have to hear the voice of the Father so that I can choose what is God, not just what is good. I feel like for a long time I have just been trying to do what I think is best, trying to do what I think will honor God. That's not what he wants, he wants me! When I can hear his voice, I can better understand my purpose. I know I am on the right track, but that is not enough. I need to prioritize my life around my purpose. This is the centering that I have been looking for, the lightning rod to my energy and focus, somewhere I can experience my drive and ambition and independence in the freedom of the Spirit and for His glory instead of constantly having to defend myself and hold myself up.
There were a lot of problems between us, ones that we've talked about and fixed now. There are still other questions that I have about what a future could look like, especially because we seem to be on such different paths. But those are not the important thing to me right now.
I realize now that I have greatly underestimated my enemy. I allowed pride and curiosity to deceive me into thinking the battle had already been won. In reality the war has been won but the daily battles are what can pull me closer or further away from God. To engage the enemy, I must humble myself in prayer, which I do not do as often as I should.
Without prayer, how can I faithfully hear God? With so much need everywhere, I have to hear the voice of the Father so that I can choose what is God, not just what is good. I feel like for a long time I have just been trying to do what I think is best, trying to do what I think will honor God. That's not what he wants, he wants me! When I can hear his voice, I can better understand my purpose. I know I am on the right track, but that is not enough. I need to prioritize my life around my purpose. This is the centering that I have been looking for, the lightning rod to my energy and focus, somewhere I can experience my drive and ambition and independence in the freedom of the Spirit and for His glory instead of constantly having to defend myself and hold myself up.
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